I refuse to believe that humanity existed before the invention of the ziptie.

I bet another place it's too dark to read is inside a Tauntaun.

Retail price, 3 LR-44 button batteries for $12 toy cellphone? $15.92.

Trying to convince the 3yo that Rice-a-Roni is the San Francisco treat. He's not buying it.

Just ate a big bowl of quinoa mush like a goddamn hippie baby.

Trying to replace myself with a medium-sized shell script.

It's weird how cameras have a 'facebook' setting that overexposes and blurs your pictures.

I think Lua might be Tcl for the new generation.

Tonight I made banana sweet potato kale baby food. Big hit with the baby.

Turkey bacon is vegetarian, right?

There seems to be an exponential function involved in baby wipe usage when you have two kids.

Giant apartment complexes built on top of giant parking garages is not a livable urban plan.

"drill a pilot hole first" is advice you should probably apply to more things in your life.

Having children teaches me something new about prioritization every day.

The cream cheese wrapper told me to make a sandwich with Nilla wafers so you know how I'm spending my Saturday night.

PREDICTION: Tone Loc to die of injuries related to skiing accident. Coroner's report will list cause of death as Funky Cold Edema.

I'm eating the best kind of pizza for dinner: FREE PIZZA!

Funky Cold Edema

Spending my Friday evening bathing children and writing a monster OpenVPN howto.

I bet software legal agreements in hell come with infinite scroll.

Testing if ping.fm email posting works yet.